I suffer from an incredibly common disease. It is the nature of young adults to think that this condition is singular to our age group, but I’m getting old enough now to see that it is more or less universal. (more…)
Archive for the ‘Faith’ Category
Want me.
Friday, June 5th, 2009Four Universes
Tuesday, May 5th, 2009I’m a computer programmer by trade; pity me.
The mental habits that twenty years of software development forces upon one have many disadvantages: we tend to break things into pieces instead of seeing them whole; we believe that solutions which don’t bear up under logical scrutiny are unacceptable; and we like the rhythm of lists of three items even when we can only think of two.
But they have advantages too. Over the years, I’ve gotten pretty comfortable with Boolean arithmetic, that strange math whose operands are True and False and whose operators are And, Or, Xor, and Not. So now I will exhibit some developer’s hubris (another occupational hazard) and apply Boolean arithmetic to some of the big philosophical questions.
We Clockwork Walking
Friday, April 17th, 2009We clockwork walking,
we muck-born metal,
we clicking hatchets,
we strutting shovers,
we who pet and slap,
we who smile through fangs,
we grooms who kill brides,
we mothers who kill children,
we sons who kill fathers,
we strangers who kill grinning,
we bogs of rot,
we springing razors,
we grinders all,
we little gods bleeding
from the cuts of our oppressors, spotted
with the blood of our victims, rattle our fists
to curse God.
He who heals is beneath us. He who binds insults us.
We need no salve; we need no cool water;
we need no quiet sleep; we need no reach into our chest.
God’s Dogs
Friday, April 10th, 2009Arthur says “God has some ’splainin to do.” The remark refers, I think, to the question of evil in the world. It is an old philosophical debate, as in, “If there is a God, how can he allow evil things to happen in the world?” I don’t hope to end the debate for all time here, but this is a poem of mine that encompasses some of my thoughts on the subject.
—–
God’s Dogs
I know your brother drowned that day,
there in the cold cold water. Now you
hate God, as though He chose to swim.
You say God let him die! and cross your arms.
Might God be better if like a pious pet owner
He kept his dogs neutered? But dogs might have
a different view about that kind of juggling.
As for me, I’d rather walk a-danglin’, though the world
is full of bumps and stumps. I don’t want God
to make me safe with scissors, even if a bitch
is ready, there across the cold cold water.
Song Lyric: Walking Wounded (1994)
Tuesday, March 31st, 2009Alvin’s poem about self-injury reminded me of this lyric.
I’m a walking wounded, injured in the war
I’m weak and weary, though it happened long before
The bullet’s buried and it’s working farther in
Refuge
Monday, March 30th, 2009irony means I am free
to take up arms and murder me.
I grasp the blade to wield the sword,
my bleeding fingers all ignored.
step down hard so I will feel
the grinding motion of your heel;
destroy the serpent here within,
that wears my face, and hair, and skin.
bitten, I will fix my stare
on snake of brass impaled there
up on a pole where I can find
its brazen coils all intertwined.
Blood on the door and either side
makes just the place where I can hide.
Song Lyric: Kingdom of God
Friday, March 20th, 2009Some people in the world today
Lead lives like beggars locked outside the door
They got the keyring in their pocket
But they cannot remember what it’s for
The Kingdom of God
Is a fortress built from broken bricks
The rough edges squared
Mortared in place straight and true
Reason-To-Believes
Friday, March 20th, 2009When I first met Mr. Zeller, I was in Reese’s basement. He was giving us premarital counseling. Telling us what behaviors were appropriate, what were morally questionable, giving his reason-to-believes. The guy kinda bugged me, but he seemed okay. And I was a good listener, which made him smile ’til he was squinting.
We decided to live in Oregon after the wedding, but I was a good listener. Mr. Zeller wanted to share his opinions, his reason-to-believes.
We settled on Idaho.
Idaho kinda bugged me, but it was okay. The only thing I disliked about it was the fact that the Zellers lived there. And my family didn’t—that part bugged me too. But I refused to be unhappy. That was one thing Mr. Zeller couldn’t talk me out of, as hard as he tried.
Things became strange.
Mr. Zeller didn’t like it that I wanted to study the Bible with Reese, and not with him or his wife. He didn’t like the way I spent time with Reese’s family. He didn’t like Reese’s long hair. He had reason-to-believes.
I misplaced my listening skills one day. Zeller bugged me. His reason-to-believes bugged me. His wife bugged me. I was bugged.
Walter came for a visit, and we were all so glad to see him. But not Zeller. He had a few reason-to-believes regarding Walter. His wife did too. The Zellers bugged me.
We rode in Walter’s motorhome anyway. Screw Zeller and his reason-to-believes.
The moment after
Thursday, March 19th, 2009He was just there,
And now he’s gone?
Life fractured on a Sunday afternoon.
I heard the crackle.
It was absurd how he lay there
Like a child’s spilled cup.
He was just there,
And now he’s gone?
Jesus, I don’t know what, but
please.
A heap of shale,
A cumulus of splinters.
A requiem of pottery and ash.
I have some questions.
It was kindless how he lay there
And no one got him up.
He was just there,
And now he’s gone?
Jesus, I don’t know what, but
please.
Song Lyric: Epiphany
Tuesday, March 17th, 2009High in the night
Shining like a pearl
The supernatural beacon beckoned all the world
Some looked in awe
And then went on their way
A few men listened, and the star was heard to say:
